I hate that they put “use by” dates on condoms… like I’m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
I’ve got the i of the Tger.
This o came out of nwhere.
I know, I know…you are thinking…its Monday, he wont really do a dick joke, willy?
Home rememdies: An easy way to get rid of the sniffles is with AMPHETAMINES!!!
Bitches know how i GET DOWN…ladders…kinda scary sometimes.
I think i started thinking about changing how i eat when i had a Corn Nut stuck in between my teeth and i used a cool ranch dorito as a toothpick to get it out.
Movies taught me that no matter how fast i run or how far ahead i get, if two cops are chasing me on foot and one of them splits off from their partner, that dude is going to tackling me from out of nowhere in like 10 seconds.
Today i learned that people in elevators rarely want to cuddle.
Sunday night a girl said “What’s your number?”
I said “1-800-HELL-NAW.” She ran away crying.
I should really consider changing my number.
A fart is a poop’s business card