Jay Pharoah: I Am A Dog (Kanye West “I Am A God” Parody)
I seem to glimpse you in every window..
I hate being predictable, so next time in a battle, imma just jump in the circle and do bird calls
If you think your morning is bad, imagine if you were a T-rex with crabs
If she doesnt love you, stalk her until she does!!
When i turned my dishwasher on…it sounded like waves of the ocean crashing on the beach. It sounded that way ever since i put a whole cake in there.
Im never on point this early in the cenozoic period
Girls who can deep throat, but cant swallow a pill…wat up wit dat?
There are quite a lot of cringe moments in my life and a lot more to come.
The one that stands out the most was when i was in 3rd grade and i thought a good comeback to a girl was ” OH YEAH WELL YOU HAVE TO PEE SITTING DOWN! HA!”
Never fails…never fails…every time i turn around…EVERY TIME…its 180 degrees…
Not sure what a carb is…but looking at my body in the mirror this morning, my body loves them. =/
I put my hand up on your hip. When you dip, I dip, oops now you’re pregnant.
On the way to the grocery store i almost hit a cat…
i thought to myself, had i hit it, i could have saved so much money on meat!
I wish i had magic…so i could cast spells and help save people…HeadoutofyourAssino!!
If you dont devote at least 2 hours of masturbating in your days off.. Then you’re not me Or you actually make plans & have a social life
You call me manipulative like it’s a bad thing. Take it back or I’m killing your pets.
Handing out good morning wishes like we didn’t just claw our way out of darkness.
Last night…not sure…but they took the platypus away and i am starting my 24 month probation on Monday….
Change my AOL profile to single…now just gotta wait for the ladies to start beating down my door!!
When your dog watches you eat, that’s his Food Network.
Relationship status: My porn folder’s name is “porn.”